Painted Pine cones

How I long for the days that I didn't even think of Christmas and the decorations until after Thanksgiving. 

Someone sent this picture to me of the painted pine cones and I just had to share.  What a great idea this is and look at the contrast.

I'M BACK......sorry I was gone so long.

FAITH
With the elections looming on the horizon, the world, and even some of us, have gone into a frenzy about who should lead this country. Who and what would be best for us? Liberals see it one way, Conservatives see it another. I wonder how God sees it? As I understand Him, it's all about love. That's why he sent His son to us. To teach us about love. If only the world could see it God's way..........

Nehemiah 8:1-18~~~Nehemiah and Ezra assembled the people in Jerusalem to hear the Laws of Moses. Many wept when they realized how disobedient they had been. The assembly became a festive time when the people reclaimed their legacy as God's chosen people.

Nehemiah and Ezra reintroduced God's laws and customs to the former exiles so that God would give his favor.

Love is the only law you need...

To love your neighbor as yourself. Keep this command, this law, and you automatically keep all the others. If you are really concerned with keeping the law of love, it is the only law you really need. Then civil laws are not problems or objects or protests and demonstrations. Civil laws are only guidelines to help you achieve your aim: loving others as you love yourself and thereby fulfilling all of God's requirements....

The Christian who lives by the law of love does not see authority as a threat. Nor does he see imperfections or even gross errors in government as reason to riot or demonstrate unlawfully. The Christian is not a bystander in his society. Actually, he should be int he thick of the battle for justice, morality and the right. But the Christian operates with a different motive. He seeks justice for all, yes, but justice is primarily a negative concept, based on avoiding or preventing the doing of wrongs to others. The law of love goes beyond justice. The law of love seeks the positive doing of good to others. It is the only Law a Christian needs. By Fritz Ridenour
Applying it: Look around you, who do you see at work? At home? On the road? In church? Give them your time, your attention, your love and your respect.
Exploring it: God's Law: Exodus 31:18; Leviticus 19:9-10; Deuteronomy 4:15-19; Matthew 5; 19; 22:37-40

PRAYER :
Dear God, it is hard to fight the battles in life. I can see that it is in the midst of battles, that we learn to be truly effective warriors. Likewise, in the midst of living, let me learn to be an effective Christian. Please guide and direct me; give me wisdom and strength for the day. In Jesus' name I pray and thank You. Amen.


FOOD:
A quick and easy appetizer that I make is pickle rolls. All you need is dill pickle spears, cream cheese and ham slices.
(I use cooked ham that is cut at the deli in a rectangle shape.)

Let cream cheese soften to room temperature. Take a slice of ham and spread cream cheese over top of ham. Take a pickle spear and place at one of the smaller ends and just roll up. Place in fridge and chill for about an hour or so. The longer...the better. Right before serving, slice rolls into bite size pieces. You can also use pickled asparagus, in place of the pickles. I make this several times a year for different occasions and they always receive compliments.

FUN:
I usually like to put a little joke in here but I thought you might enjoy this. Especially if you are having a stressful day.
It has sound for those of you that are reading this as work...ha ha, turn on the mute as I would hate to be responsible for getting you in trouble.

http://mk1.simpletruths.com/t/5358666/10252626/16419/0/

The Black Hole

FAITH:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

On February 20, 1962, at 9:47 A.M., the spacecraft Friendship 7 rose on a pillar of fire, piloted by lone astronaut John Glenn. Leaving the coast of Florida far behind, the space capsule orbited the earth three times, traveling 81,000 miles in less than four hours. As the craft began its descent from space, mission controllers in Houston received a warning signal. A sensor indicated that the capsule's heat shield was in danger of detaching. If the heat shield came loose during reentry, the capsule would burn like a meteor--and John Glenn would die.

Because radio waves cannot penetrate plasma, the spacecraft experienced a total communications blackout--what astronauts and mission controllers call a "black hole".

The minutes crawled by and the suspense mounted in the Houston control room. NASA engineers felt totally helpless. Finally, after five minutes of silence, mission controllers heard Glenn's voice crackling over the radio: "Friendship 7 to Houston?"

Shouts of joy shook the control room. John Glenn was coming home. Although neither Glenn nor the mission controllers knew it at the time, the heat shield was absolutely firm and reliable. The fears for John Glenn's safety during his black hole experience were unfounded.

If you've ever been through a major crisis, you probably know what a communications "black hole" feels like. While you are in the pit of adversity, you feel that your world is collapsing, that your life is out of control--and that God is silent. The silence of a black hole is deafening. You feel isolated and alone. You question God's love, His care for you, and even His existence.

But even when it seems that God is distant and silent, your "heat shield" is still there, firm and reliable. In your black hole experience, God is teaching you to go deeper into your relationship with Him. You may think that your life is out of control and burning like a meteor, but in reality God, your heat shield, still protects you from the fiery forces that surround you.
by Os Hillman



FRIENDS:

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds..." (2 Corinthians 10:4). Dear God, I know that there are evil influences in this world, causing spiritual battles for Christians. Please strengthen my desire to spend time in Your Word, that I might hide it in my heart and know it in my mind; fill me with wisdom and boldness through Your Holy Spirit that I might be spiritually wise and on guard, ready to resist temptations and break down the strongholds that would keep me from the life You have for me. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name.

FOOD:
This was from a food list I belong to. I made it around Christmas and everyone went nuts over it.

Smoked Turkey, Avocado & Brie Sandwiches
Make these when you have some beautiful fresh herbs. This is different and delicious because of the fresh herbs, garlic and pepperoni in the mayo mix. It makes a very special sandwich. If you like, you can also use this as a filling for lavosh wrapped sandwiches. Roll them up, chill them for an hour, and cut on the diagonal for a very nice lunch presentation.
Makes 6 sandwiches

6 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons cilantro, chopped fine
2 tablespoons fresh oregano, chopped fine ( I only had dried Mexican Oregano)
1 clove garlic, minced
6 slices pepperoni, minced
(I MADE TWICE THIS MUCH DRESSING BASED ON SOMEONE'S COMMENTS ABOUT RUNNING OUT
OF THE DRESSING)

3 ounces brie cheese, sliced thin and at room temperature
1 lb smoked turkey slices, very thin
3 large tomatoes, sliced thin
1 head spinach leaves, washed well and dried thoroughly
1 avocado, peeled and sliced thin

1. Cut 6 small (one-person size) baguettes in half. (I used a softer bread based on what one person said about being hard to eat if the crust on the bread was too hard)
2. Mix together mayo, cilantro, oregano, garlic and pepperoni.
3. Spread evenly over the baguette halves.
4. On 6 halves, now layer the brie first, spread a bit to fill in gaps, then turkey, tomatoes, avocado, and season with s&p.
5. Top with spinach.
6. Put the other half of the baguette on top of the filling mix.
7. This can be refrigerated for about 2 hours, but any longer and
the avocado will start to darken.

FUN:
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was
all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the Human
race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible
that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they
developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my
side of the family and your father told you about his.'

OBITUARIES

As many of you know, I am no longer working and have moved back into my RV. Hence the time glitch of not posting a devotional recently.  The move was a lot of work and very tiring.  God sent me help from parts known and unknown and I am so thankful to Him and to all who helped me physically and those that lifted me up spiritually.  The men from the moving ministry at church were wonderful and I appreciate their kind hearts and strong backs.

The following is from an email that a dear friend sent to me and I thought it was so well done that I wanted to share it with you all.

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FRIENDS: sent to me by a reader and dear friend....

Dear God, I know that there are evil influences in this world, causing spiritual battles for Christians. Please strengthen my desire to spend time in Your Word, that I might hide it in my heart and know it in my mind; fill me with wisdom and boldness through Your Holy Spirit that I might be spiritually wise and on guard, ready to resist temptations and break down the strongholds that would keep me from the life You have for me. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name.

FOOD:

Black-Eyed Pea Stew with Kale
Don't bother slicing the turkey sausage; just squeeze it out of the casing directly into the pot. Serves 4 to 6
2 cups dried black-eyed peas
1/2 tbs. olive oil
1 large white or yellow onion, chopped
3 spicy turkey sausages (like Jennie-O Turkey Store brand), casings removed and meat crumbled
4 cups vegetable broth (I like Swanson's)
salt and pepper to taste
1/4 to 1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
2 dried bay leaves
1 tbs. cider vinegar
28 oz. can diced tomatoes
10-12 oz. bag chopped kale, mustard or collard greens
Rinse beans and pick over. Add to a large pot and fill with water to cover by several inches. Bring to a rapid boil and cook for 3 minutes. Remove from heat and soak for 1 hour. Drain and rinse beans. Heat oil in a large saucepan or Dutch oven over medium heat. Add onion and cook until soft, about 3 minutes. Add sausage; cook until lightly browned, about 5 minutes. Add vegetable broth, raise heat to high and bring to a boil. Add peas, salt and pepper and bay leaves. Cover and reduce heat; simmer for 45 minutes. Uncover and cook for 15 minutes. Stir in vinegar, tomatoes and greens. Simmer 10 minutes or until beans are tender. Taste for seasoning and serve.


FUN:
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray... 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'

We the guilty have been forgiven !!!

FAITH

Acts 2:1-47

In Old Testament times God's spirit did not permanently remain in people who trusted him. Instead, God usually sent  his Spirit to inspire specific people at specific times. Though Jesus had talked with his disciples about the new role of the Spirit, the Jews were amazed at the out pouring of God's spirit on the day of Pentecost and the fulfillment of Joel's prophecy.

Christ's Spirit lives in us. The indwelling Spirit enables us to live out our faith. He guides, teaches, convicts, counsels, inspires, empowers, and bears fruit--all so that God may be glorified.

Picture the scene. Peter, John, James. They came back. Banking on some zany possibility that the well of forgiveness still had a few drops, they came back. Daring to dream that the master had left them some work, some plan, some direction, they came back.

But little did they know, their wildest dream wasn't wild enough. Just as someone mumbles, "It's no use," they hear a  noise. They hear a voice.

"Peace be with you."

Every head lifted. Every eye turned. Every mouth dropped open. Someone looked at the door.

It was still locked.

It was a moment the apostles would never forger, a story they would never cease to tell. The stone of the tomb was not enough to keep him in. The walls of the room were not enough to keep him out.

The one betrayed sought his betrayers. What did he say to them? Not "What a bunch of flops!" Not "I told you so." No "Where-were-you-when-I-needed-you?" speeches. But simply one phrase, "Peace be with you." The very thing they didn't have was the very thing he offered: Peace.

It was too good to be true! So amazing was the appearance that some were saying, "Pinch me, I'm dreaming" even at at the ascension. No wonder they returned to Jerusalem with great joy!

No wonder they were always in the temple praising God.

A transformed group stood beside a transformed Peter as he announced some weeks later: "Therefore let all Israel be assured or this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ."

No timidity in his words. No reluctance. About three thousand people believed his message.

The apostles sparked a movement. The people became followers of the death-conqueror. They couldn't hear enough or say enough about him . . . Christ was their model, their message. They preached "Jesus Christ and him crucified, " not for the lack of another topic, but because they couldn't exhaust this one.

What unlocked the doors of the apostles' hearts?

Simple. They saw Jesus. They encountered the Christ. Their sins collided with their Savior and their Savior won! . . .

A lot of things would happen to them over the next few decades. Many nights would be spent away from home. Hunger would gnaw at their bellies. Rain would soak their skin. Stones would bruise their bodies. Shipwrecks, lashings, martyrdom. But there was a scene in the repertoire of memories that caused them to never look back: the betrayed coming back to find his betrayers; not to scourge them, but to send them. Not to criticize them for forgetting, but to commission them to remember. Remember that he who was dead is alive and they who were guilty have been forgiven.

(from Six Hours One Friday by Max Lucado)

To change is not easy and not common. Most of us develop comfortable ruts. In your life today, where is change needed? What comfortable ruts are you in? Ask God to Change your life through the power of the Holy Spirit.

God's Spirit Living in Us --John 14:17; Romans 8:9, 15; 1 Corinthians 3:16; 6:19 2 Corinthians

4:6-7, 16; Galatians 2:20; Ephesian 3:16-17; Colossians 1:27; 1 John 3:24; 4:4. 13.

FRIENDS

BLESSED LORD and GOD, 

We come to you, aware that you have pierced our world. You became flesh, you swelled among us, you saw us in our fallen state, you reached in and pulled us out. You offered us salvation, you offered us mercy, And we are ever thankful.

FOOD

Curry Eggs over Rice (For Leftover Hard Boiled Eggs) 

A delicious main dish that uses up those leftover hard boiled eggs from Easter. The lady who prepared this on the show said that her mother used to make this dish often during Lent. This recipe halves beautifully. This is not a particularly spicy dish, just rich in flavor. (Note:There is no curry powder in this recipe - you are essentially making your own blend using various spices.)

45 min | 15 min prep | SERVES 6

2	tablespoons ground coriander
2	tablespoons ground cumin
1/2	teaspoon chili powder (hot or mild Indian style)
2	teaspoons ground turmeric
1	tablespoon cider vinegar
2	ounces water (or more as needed)
1/4	cup canola oil
1	cup chopped onions (1 large)
2	tablespoons fresh ginger, chopped
6-8	garlic cloves, chopped
3	cups chopped fresh tomatoes (about 6 small)
1	cup unseasoned tomato sauce (8 ounce can)
1	pinch sugar, to taste
1/4	teaspoon salt, to taste
1	teaspoon ground black pepper, to taste
12	hard-boiled eggs, peeled, halved
1/8	cup fresh cilantro leaves, chopped
6	cups steamed white rice

1. Mix the first 4 spices along with vinegar and water to make a thin paste; set aside.
2. Heat a large saucepot over a medium heat and add oil.
3. Add onion, ginger, garlic and saute until golden brown.
4. Add spice mixture to the pot and stir well.
5. (Add more water in small amounts if mixture begins to stick.) Add chopped tomatoes to onion mixture.
6. Pour tomato sauce into a 2-cup measuring cup and add enough water to make 2 cups liquid.
7. Add to the pot and simmer 20 for minutes.
8. Add pinch of sugar, salt, and pepper to taste.
9. Cut eggs in half lengthwise and slide them into the sauce.
10. Serve over rice, sprinkled with fresh chopped cilantro.

FUN

The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women  

1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.   
   
   
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.   
   
   
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1). 
   
   
4. Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.  
   
   
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.  
   
   
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)   
   
   
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)   
   
   
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

Jesus died for his executioners sins too....

FAITH

Matthew 27:1-66

The Jewish leaders decided that Jesus must die. Because they were not allowed to execute anyone, they turned him over to the Romans. Jesus appeared before Pontius Pilate (governor of Samaria and Judea from A.D. 26-36)prior to his crucifixion.

Jewish leaders refused to believe Jesus was the Messiah and insisted that Pilate execute him. Yet Jesus died for their sins, and ours too.

Six hours. One Friday.

Let me ask you a question; What do you do with that day in history? What do you do with its claims?

If it really happened... if God did commandeer his own crucifixion...if he did turn his back on his own son...if he did storm Satan's gate, then those six hours that Friday were packed with tragic triumph. If that was God on that cross, then the hill called Skull is a granite  studded with stakes to which you can anchor.

Those six hours were no normal six hours. They were the most critical hours in history. For during those six hours on that Friday, God embedded in the earth three anchor points sturdy enough to withstand any hurricane.

Anchor point #1~My life is not futile. This rock secures the hull of your heart. Its sole function is to give you something which you can grip when facing the surging tides of futility and relativism.... Someone is in control and I have a purpose.

Anchor point #2~My failures are not fatal. It's not that he loves what you did, but he loves who you are.... The one who has the right to condemn you has provided the way to acquit you. You make mistakes. God doesn't. And he made you.

Anchor point #3~My death is not final. There is one more stone to which you should tie.... It blocked the door of a grave. It wasn't big enough, though......He only went in to prove he could come out. And on the way out he took the stone with him and turned it into an anchor point.... Tie it to his rock and the typhoon of the tomb becomes a spring breeze on Easter Sunday.

There they are. Three anchor points. The anchor points of the cross.

(from Six Hours One Friday by Max Lucado)

Some people would rather see Jesus dead than controlling their lives. What room in the castle of your life (career, family, church,) needs to be placed under Christ's control? Don't hesitate a day. Pray now. Give your life fully to him.

Jesus' death saves us~John 3:14-17; 11:25-26; Romans 3:23-26; I corinthians 1:18; Colossians 1:20-22; Titus 3:3-7.

FRIENDS: 

Please pray for all ministers that are preaching the truth this Sunday.

Father,

We invite your assistance and guidance and powerful indwelling into the hearts, heads and minds of those sharing your gospel from the pulpit this Sunday.  We pray that if there are closed hearts listening to your words that you will open them and help them to see and hear what is important, what is eternal and what is lasting. And most of all let them feel your love for them.

 

FOOD: 

What to do with left over ham and veggies

An easy macaroni with ham and asparagus in a heavy cream sauce with Parmesan cheese. 

INGREDIENTS: 

2 cups asparagus tips & stems, cut in 1-inch pieces, steamed (could use any left over veggies) 

2 tablespoons butter 

2 medium onions, chopped 

8 ounces diced ham 

1 cup heavy cream 

salt and pepper to taste 

1 lb macaroni cooked according to directions fresh grated Parmesan cheese to your taste

Could chop some hard boiled eggs and sprinkle on top PREPARATION: In a large skillet over medium-low heat, sauté onions in butter until pale. Add asparagus and ham and sauté for 2 minutes. Add heavy cream; continue cooking just until thoroughly heated. Pour over hot cooked pasta and toss with cheese. Taste and season with salt and pepper. Serve with extra cheese. Serves 4.

FUN:

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

The Way of Glory

 John 18:1-27 

Events surrounding the crucifixion and the resurrection of Jesus form the climax of all four Gospels. 

The arrest of Jesus has the stamp of divine plan. Jesus suffered to give us eternal life. The way of the cross provides the way to glory and victory, not defeat and humiliation. 

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" ( 1 Peter 4:12-13) 

God works through pain to bring glory! 

All of us have to understand that God's fabulous treasures aren't bought with cash and credit, slapping down a contract on a bargaining table and scratching a signature and a date. They just don't come that way! 

Our Lord Jesus suffered too, to show us the way. He suffered first and most--to purchase for himself glory in our eyes (Philemon 2:5-11) First the pain, and then the prize. "Come, let us return to the Lord," says the prophet Hosea: "He has torn us to pieces, but he will heal us; he has injured us, but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us, that we may live in his presence" (6:1-2) Do you catch something here? It's as if the shadow of a cross is falling across these words. 

God is totally involved in our suffering, as we will be totally involved in His ultimate triumph. The two processes are inseparable. 

(from My Sacrifice, His Fire by Anne Ortlund)  

Think of specific instances when you have kept your Christian identity secret. Don't be ashamed--Jesus paid such a high price for your life. Remember, God joins our suffering--strengthening and lifting us up so that we can share in his glory. Suffering--Exodus 5:4-9; Leviticus 26:40--45; Job 3:23-26; Psalm 44:9-22; Mark 8:31-32 Romans 8:17; Philippians 1:29; Hebrews 2:10, 18: James 1:2-4 Revelation 2:10-11

FRIENDS

Surrender Prayer of a Head-Strong Servant: 

Dear Father, You know my internal struggles, Shatter my will, my desire to control, my leveraging, my bargaining, my manipulation. Break me down. Bring me to my knees in total surrender. From the shards of my broken self, re-create, re-make, re-fine, and polish me. In the stillness, enfold me, encourage me, equip me as I embark on this exiting new adventure with You as my guide. Awaken my spiritual gifts. Free me to serve You in humble obedience. You have changed me into someone worth being. Now, lead me to some mountain worth climbing. Take me along on a joyful journey as I follow Your pathway to purpose. I gladly surrender, Lord, into your loving arms, Your Grateful Servant

FOOD

Chicken Vicious  

Cook Time: 30 Minutes 

Ready In: 45 Minutes 

Yields: 4 servings 

"This is some very powerful stuff and not for the faint of tongue, but absolutely de-lish!!! If you did it right, the sauce will be very sweet, the garlic will knock your socks off, the vinegar will open your sinuses for the rest of the night, and your tongue will definitely feel that pepper. Surprisingly though, the meal will set very gently on the stomach." 

INGREDIENTS: 

2 teaspoons vegetable oil 

4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - cut into 1 inch pieces 

1 1/2 cups distilled white vinegar 

1 cup white sugar 

1/2 cup soy sauce 

1 tablespoon red pepper flakes, or to taste 

2 tablespoons garlic powder, or to taste 

1 tablespoon onion powder, or to taste 

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 

1 (8 ounce) package button mushrooms, sliced 

1 cup frozen green peas 

3 green onions, chopped 

3 teaspoons cornstarch 

2 tablespoons cold water 

DIRECTIONS: 1.Heat oil in a large heavy skillet over high heat. Add chicken pieces, and fry, stirring, until browned. Pour in the vinegar, soy sauce, and sugar; stirring to dissolve sugar. Season with red pepper flakes, garlic powder, onion powder, and ginger. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes. Taste the sauce at this point and adjust seasoning to taste. The sauce should be very sweet. If it is too tart, add more sugar; if it is too sweet, add more vinegar. 

2.Once the sauce is to your liking, add the mushrooms, peas, and green onions. Simmer gently over low heat for another 5 minutes, until the mushrooms shrink a bit. Stir together the cornstarch and water, and stir it into the sauce. Continue to simmer until it reaches the desired thickness.

FUN

Bob Hope---Don't know how many of you remember him. I know some of you do. He was a funny, funny man.  

May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003  

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".  

ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."  

ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."  

ON TURNING 100 " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."  

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."  

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."  

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."  

ON PRESIDENTS " I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."  

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER " When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations You have an eight-pound ham' ."  

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."  

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."  

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."  

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."  

ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."  

Give me a sense of humor. Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life.