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The story about Mrs. Smith and the children is, in many ways, overly simplified so as to illustrate the basic meaning of confession, penance, and reconciliation as they relate to forgiveness.
Still, the story is not that much different from what would happen if, for example, someone backs into your parked car and then drives away without leaving his or her name and insurance information in a note. When you discover the damage, you're left feeling violated and helpless. But no amount of swearing will fix anything. Even if your insurance covers the entire cost, you still have to spend your time and energy repairing the damage. And if you go about the work with bitterness in your heart, the task becomes even more painful and irritating. Holding a grudge against human inconsiderateness hurts only you and makes repairing the damage even more difficult.
Consider also the case of a natural disaster. No one is personally responsible, yet your home is damaged or destroyed. Your possessions are swept away—or maybe they are looted. You feel vulnerable, helpless, and frightened. In such difficult times, many persons will point angry fingers of blame at the government. But will anger repair the damage? Wouldn't a personal attitude of forgiveness for all shortsighted mistakes contribute to an overall social atmosphere of calmness, cooperation, and generosity? Wouldn't a personal attitude of forgiveness help, rather than hinder, the overall task of repairing the damage?
And what if the huge mansion near you was left unscathed? What if the millionaire who lives there decides to throw a party, while you are left out in the dark, hungry and cold? What if your rich neighbor does nothing to help you? Would cursing him and wishing for his destruction help to repair the damage to your house? You might hope for freely offered generosity from others, but the frustration of trying to force someone to pay for your damage will only dig you deeper into your own pain.
Now let's go even more psychologically deep.
What would have happened if Mrs. Smith had not been at home when the accident occurred? What if the children had used the broken window as an opportunity to enter into her house and ransack it? What if Mrs. Smith suspected the children but could not prove their guilt, and all the while they continue to live in the neighborhood as if nothing had happened?
This leads us to consider cases in which the damage is relational, not just material. Maybe someone accuses you of untrue things behind your back. Maybe your business partner steals from you. Maybe a manager fails to uphold a promise. Maybe your husband or your wife commits adultery.
In these cases involving a personal betrayal, keep in mind one important fact:
Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting.
To forgive is simply to stop wishing for revenge or to stop wanting to see the other person suffer in some way. But forgiveness is not blind. Because trust has been violated you cannot just forget what happened or else the same thing might happen again. There's a saying that unless we remember history we will be condemned to repeat it. So let's face it—even though you might forgive a person who has betrayed your trust, your trust in that person has been crushed.
Trust can be repaired only by time through a gradual process of rebuilding. You have to get to "know" the person all over again. The sad thing is that through what you learn you may have to accept the fact that the other person can never be trusted again. On the other hand, if the other person is truly repentant and wants to make a full confession and do penance, the desire to do so will be all that is necessary to nourish a new growth of trust between the two of you.
Truly, it can be hard to forgive if you dwell only on your own desire for satisfaction. So try thinking about
--how the energy to keep a grudge alive will ultimately drain away your strength;
--how a desire for revenge will defile you and may even unconsciously make you into a person as hurtful and vicious as the one who hurt you;
--the unfortunate life circumstances and traumas that may have motivated your victimizer;
--the fact that "evil comes to evil" in the end.
No matter what anyone does to you, no one can take away from you your capacity to do good. You lose it only by willingly giving it up yourself.
So remember that if anyone has ever hurt you, you don't find forgiveness, you give it.
If you have ever hurt others, all you can do is feel sorrow for your behavior; in sorrow, you can apologize, and you can make amends, but whether or not others forgive you is their choice.
And if you have hurt yourself? Well, it's a self-deception to believe that you can forgive yourself. Even though self-destructive and self-sabotaging behavior may seem to be anger at the self, at its core it is an expression of anger at someone else, because of what that person did to you or failed to do for you. It's as if you amplify the effects of the original injury and throw your dysfunction back into the face of the one who hurt you, in an attempt to force him to see how much he hurt you. It may be unpleasant to admit it, but, in all truth, you use your disability unconsciously as a subtle form of revenge, which is itself a form of hate. For the original wound to heal, you must set aside your personal desire for satisfaction, and forgive, not yourself, but the person who hurt you in the first place.
FRIENDS:
Father, We know your Word teaches forgiveness; your Spirit leads us to forgiveness; your Son came to this earth to show us forgiveness. When we open our hearts to you Father, and we allow your Son to rule over our thoughts and our lives, forgiveness happens. Lead us to understand the truth about grudges that we hang onto and teach us to forgive. In Jesus' name, Amen
DAILY BIBLE CHALLENGE
FEBRUARY 13
Matthew 15-21-39 Acts 21:27-40 Psalms 36 Exodus 34
FEBRUARY 14
Matthew 16:1-12 Acts 22 Psalms37:1-22 Exodus 35-37
ONE THING I AM THANKFUL FOR
Yes, just one today because it comes with an explanation. When I was a teenager in the late 50's, I met a girl at school and we attended the same dance on Friday night. We weren't good friends but we ran in the same crowd. Fast forward to 1974 and I married her cousin. We became good friends then and I always enjoyed the times we spent together. We loved to try to crack each other up as she loved to laugh and so did I. She told stories about a pot bellied pig they owned and about their bull mastiff dog, Baby, that were a delight.
During the years I was fortunate to be able to share the Gospel with both she and her husband and they believed and became Christians. Then I ended up with a divorce and was no longer part of the family. Not wanting her to feel she had to make a choice, I just stepped out of the picture as he was the one related to her and they had been close.
After many years had passed, I decided to stop in and see her but their house had been sold and I stopped looking. Just before I moved to California I tried again, this time doing a search on the Internet but could find nothing. So again I quit. Now I could have called my former husband and have asked him but, well just but.........
The other day a long time friend from that area sent me an email with a link to....her Obituary. Yes, she has passed from this life with out knowing that I really cared about her. I was so sad that I didn't pursue it harder and that I gave up so easily.
I posted a message of condolence to her children on the newspapers Obituary website and left my email address and that was the best I could do.
God is so good. A few minutes ago I received a message from one of her daughters explaining what their Mother's last few years were like. Now I can write to the daughter and try to make some amends for not pushing harder to find her. Her email was very sweet and she opened the door to further communication.
God knew how bad I was feeling and did as much as possible, in this life, to reconnect me with my former family. Let this be your cautionary tale. Don't let loved ones slip away from you.....Thank you God for making the best out of my negligence and resolving this for me.
FOOD:
Red Lobster Shrimp Scampi
1 C. White Wine (Chablis)
1/2 C. unsalted Butter do not use Margarine
3 Tbsp. minced Garlic
1 lb. Shrimp, peeled and devined
Bake at 350 degree oven for about 6 to 7 minutes.
Be carefull not to overcook the Shrimp. The shrimp are
done when they turn pink.
Thanks to Greg, former Red Lobster Chef.
*I would love this over some angel hair pasta......
FUN:
Waiting
for
Lunch!!
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